So within a three month window, two of my friends are getting married. Nothing unusual about that: we’re at that age, after all. I’m okay with the wedding clusters. But what I’m not okay with is tackiness and lack of class. Both these brides broke the cardinal rule of weddings: Always make your guests feel welcome and wanted.
1) Do not complain about how much the wedding costs. This is your choice. If you don’t want to spend as much on a wedding, elope or do something more modest. I cannot believe that this particular bride had the audacity to complain that her wedding cost 70K…and she’s unemployed, so she’s not even paying for it. Really. Get a grip.
2) Especially do not complain about how much the wedding will cost if you’re not even inviting me to the wedding. In this instance, I was invited to an after-party that starts at 6:30 pm and has no meal–and a cash bar. I really feel like I’m being invited as a way to get another present. Note that I’m taking the high road on this one and buying a gift, but it’s about half what I would have spent if I actually got to see the ceremony. This isn’t about reciprocating for what the couple spends on me. It’s about being made to feel like a second class citizen. After all, I didn’t even get a paper invitation–just an Evite.
3) Don’t bitch at me because I can’t attend your wedding. When you get married on another continent four days after Christmas, you can’t expect everyone to make it. And don’t worry, I’m sending a gift even if I can’t make it.
4) When I email you and offer to throw you a shower, even if I can’t make it to said destination wedding, at least have the courtesy to respond. It’s a ton of work to put on a shower, and that’s my way of trying to participate, since I can’t be there for the ceremony itself.
5) If you’ve met my boyfriend and know that we’ve been together for over a year, you really need to give me a “plus one.” I would never consider inviting you to a party without your significant other. It’s not like he’s the Flavor of the Week or something. We’ve been together longer than you and your fiance, for Christ’s sake. Not our fault you’re rushing it.
So what are your wedding pet peeves? I welcome your horror stories!
Like when your sister decides to have her wedding at a very elegant place and not have any children present even though I have four under the age of eight (at the time)…and then, when only I decide to attend because we have no one to watch the children six states away, our mother emails me and tells me that we should all be coming up because it’s, and I quote, “a family event,” yet two thirds of my family wasn’t invited…and then getting bitched at by not one, not two, but six, yup, six, family members that I wasn’t in town for very long because I had to move an entire advanced degree around by getting special permission from the director of the college of education to take a class on Monday nights for 15 weeks instead of on five Saturdays…and like when at the wedding rehearsal dinner, I was told, after I ordered, mind you, that my sister wasn’t paying for my meal because I wasn’t part of the wedding party…and like when you decide to spend the evening getting drunk with your redneck cousins, because, let’s face it, they’re actually more entertaining company than some of our other incredibly droll family members, yet your mom yells at you yet again…and getting the look of death from grandma because my tie doesn’t match the “decor of the venue” (really on that?)…and not actually getting what you ordered at wedding (I specifically ordered beef…my sister swore I ordered the vegetarian plate…are you fucking kidding me?)…and then realizing that I’d have been better off planning my own trip to the Milwaukee area to actually see people that wanted to see me and that I actually wanted to see…
Yup. I love weddings.
And yes. This all happened to me at my sister’s wedding in October of 2008. True. All of it.
Thanks for giving me the chance to vent…This my have been more cathartic than the twenty or so hours on the couch of that idiot psychologist….(OK. That one’s not true, but really, personal mental help in this case is probably better than having to tell my life story to get this one incident out…)
Comment by Bock — 25 Jpm1000000pmSun, 31 Jan 2010 20:42:58 +000010 2009 @ 8:42 pm |
Oh geez, I’m sure I made all sorts of mistakes when I was a bride. The tricky thing about planning a wedding is, theoretically, you only do it once, so you have no experience. I for one had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t really get the whole “wedding etiquette” thing, so I’m sure I committed plenty of faux-pas. Perhaps someone can learn from these mistakes.
1) A general lack of caring about details. This, for some reason, seemed to really piss off the people who were helping me plan. I’m pretty sure one of my friends got severely annoyed when I wasn’t forming strong opinions on things like “white vs. off-white.” I tried to nix beloved traditions such as throwing the bouquet, which sent my future mother-in-law into hysteria, inciting a lecture on how “my wedding isn’t for me, it is for my guests.” Eek!
2) My thought process when making the guest list was “practically, who do I think will actually come?” This resulted in us not inviting many people from Georgia unless they were family or really close friends. Later on, when it was too late, I figured out that invitations should be sent to people regardless of whether you think they will be able to come–simply to show you value their friendship and support, I guess. Luckily, this didn’t turn out TOO horrible, since some uninvited people would cluelessly make comments about plane tickets or wedding gifts, and then I would rush home and address an invitation for them. Still, a lot of people didn’t get invited who probably would have liked an invitation, especially Ray’s friends from high school and such.
3) I guess I wasn’t very clear about if guests could bring friends/dates/family whatever, because everyone was calling to ask if they could bring their girlfriend/boyfriend/sister/whatever. I never realized that some wedding were such closed events. I guess it makes sense, because we did pay for food by the head. But I just wasn’t even thinking that way. Of course, people could bring anyone they wanted. I can’t even IMAGINE not allowing at least a plus one. No way would I EVER go to a wedding by myself. Scary.
4) So, apparently bridesmaids are suppose to have some sort of slumber party with the bride on the night before. Sadly, I didn’t figure that out until MONTHS after the wedding. I even had one bridesmaid be like “So, did you want me to spend the night tonight?” to which I brilliantly responded “Umm… no? That’s OK?” I think there was also suppose to be some kind of bridesmaid luncheon. Right.
5) According to TheKnot.com cash bars are tacky. Oops! My parents tried to pay for the alcohol, but I said no because we don’t drink, and most of our guests don’t drink, and majority of our family would have been uncomfortable around a lot of alcohol. So I thought making guests pay for their own drinks would limit all that a little.
HOWEVER, I was not a stressed out bride-to-be! I was clueless, but never stressed. So many brides ruin their weddings not only for themselves, but for everyone else involved, because they make everything SUCH a big deal. We planned our wedding in 3 months, and spent under $10,000 (including everything, even the honeymoon cruise) without even making a budget. So it definitely doesn’t have to be a crazy/frustrating time. Honestly, I think some brides complain on purpose, especially to their single friends. They are actually really excited about their wedding, but feel that talking about being happy is nauseating or bragging, so complaining becomes an “acceptable” way to bring up the wedding instead.
Comment by Kristin Wood — 25 Jam2000000amMon, 01 Feb 2010 01:39:48 +000010 2009 @ 1:39 am |
Good LORD, my comment was longer than your entire post. What is wrong with me?
Comment by Kristin Wood — 25 Jam2000000amMon, 01 Feb 2010 01:43:29 +000010 2009 @ 1:43 am |
So, having attended your wedding, I thought it was lovely. Especially because I was a surprise “Plus One” (which I didn’t know till I got there…). You were an incredibly gracious and welcoming hostess, as usual
Also, in your case, a cash bar makes sense. Your crew aren’t drinkers. However, the members this crew are drinkers. The backbone of our friendship is trips to the pub. Furthermore, your wedding was a reasonable affair. If you’re spending 70K, your guests should at least get a cocktail or two.
I totally empathize with your lack of concern over ‘white v off white’ and other trivialities. And you’re right. We only do this once (or so we hope) and no one is perfect. Thanks for reading–and for commenting!!!
Comment by gypsyturtle — 25 Jpm2000000pmMon, 01 Feb 2010 21:52:11 +000010 2009 @ 9:52 pm |